Living as Dutiful Exiles
Text: 1 Pet. 3:1-7; 1 Pet. 5:1-5
Introduction
A few weeks ago, I was listening to a story Jordan Peterson shared about one of his patients. Dr. Peterson emphasizes individual responsibility and is well known for telling people that the first step to changing the world is to clean their own room.
One of his patients was a man in his 30s who was still living at home and struggling with depression. Dr. Peterson asked him if his room was clean, and he admitted it wasn’t. For several weeks, the only advice Dr. Peterson gave him was to clean his room. The man started by simply moving a vacuum cleaner in front of his door. But for weeks, he just walked around it instead of using it. Finally, after months of counseling, he succeeded in cleaning his room—a seemingly small step that symbolized a much greater shift in his life.
This story is a powerful application for us as exiles in this world. There is much that is wrong in the world, and many things need to change. But the first thing we must recognize is that there is still much that needs to change within us. Changing ourselves is a full-time occupation.
Our starting point must be to "clean our own room"—to take responsibility for what is within our control and to faithfully carry out our duties as unto the Lord. Today, we will focus on how we can live as faithful exiles in two key areas: the family and the church.
Wives Be Subject To Your Husbands
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening”
-1 Pet. 3:1-6
There is a proper time and place to discuss how a wife should respond to abuse, desertion, and adultery. I do not believe a wife is called to subject herself to such things, and other Scriptures address those situations. However, that is not the focus here. This passage specifically provides an application for a believing wife with an unbelieving husband and her responsibilities toward him.
Submission, when lived out biblically, has the power to win an unbelieving husband and is a blessing to a believing one. A wife who submits is marked by respectful and pure conduct toward her husband. She does not nag or demean him. She does not publicly humiliate, criticize, condemn, or constantly complain. Instead, she honors her husband in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.
In fact, this kind of heart posture is described as precious in God’s sight. A wife who prioritizes adorning her heart with a gentle and quiet spirit rather than focusing solely on external beauty is beautiful in the eyes of God. The example given is Sarah, an Old Testament saint, who referred to her husband as “lord.” She respected and submitted to him, even when he made poor decisions, trusting that her ultimate submission was to the Lord.
I once witnessed a powerful example of this transformation. A woman with a domineering personality and a fiery temper came to faith. She sat in my office, confessing her past sins, and asked what her duty was to her unbelieving husband. She had spent years tearing him down, even to the point of once breaking a glass mug over his head. Their relationship was filled with conflict and hostility.
I took her to this passage and told her: Your calling now is to submit, honor, and respect your husband—not to try to change him, but because this is your duty before the Lord. She listened, and within a few months, not only was I regularly meeting with them together, but her husband also came to faith and was baptized. To this day, they are happily married and walking with the Lord. Her obedience to God became a means of sanctification in her husband’s life.
Husbands Live With Your Wives in an Understanding Way
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”
-1 Pet. 3:7
During this time, many new Christians were coming to faith, but the cultural norms surrounding marriage were deeply flawed. If we were to use modern terms, the prevailing system was one of toxic masculinity. Men were seen as having complete ownership over their wives, with the ability to abuse, sell, divorce, or even execute them at will. However, as these men came to know Jesus, they encountered a radically different model of manhood—one defined by sacrificial love and servant leadership.
Peter exhorts husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way. Recognizing the temptation for men to wield their authority in a harsh and demeaning manner, he calls them instead to honor their wives as the weaker vessel. This is not an insult but a recognition of the physical and societal vulnerabilities women faced in that culture. Rather than exploiting their strength, objectifying their wives, or leading with cruelty, husbands are called to treat their wives with respect, love, and consideration.
When a husband leads in this way, the couple's prayers are not hindered. A harsh and unloving heart creates spiritual barriers, but a marriage rooted in honor and understanding fosters unity before God.
Men, how do you use your strength? Do you wield it to intimidate and bully? Or do you use it to provide security, strength, and protection for your wife and family?
Elders Shepherd the Flock
“So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory”
-1 Pet. 5:1-4
Peter exhorts the elders to shepherd the flock that is among you. The healthiest church will have a plurality of elders who know the people they are called to shepherd—this is why church membership is so valuable. Elders are not responsible for shepherding all believers everywhere, but rather the specific people God has entrusted to their care.
Peter makes it clear how elders are to lead: not under compulsion, not for financial gain, and not in a domineering manner. Instead, they are to exercise oversight willingly and faithfully, with their primary focus being to lead by example.
Over the past few years, I have learned the value of asking clarifying questions. As someone who takes this duty seriously, I have found this to be essential in avoiding guilt manipulation from well-meaning but misinformed individuals. Many have their own ideas about what it means to shepherd the flock, and I often experienced a low-grade guilt after reading or hearing advice on the subject. Yes, elders are called to shepherd, but the important question is: What does that actually mean?
I have come to realize that, for many, shepherding has been redefined into a form of caretaking. In the counseling world, caretaking is often understood as being overly nice, striving to meet everyone’s needs, avoiding conflict, suppressing feelings, and acting out of guilt and fear. But this definition of shepherding does not align with the biblical metaphor or Peter’s exhortation. Elders are not called to be caretakers in this sense. Instead, they are to lead as God defines—not as every emotionally needy person demands. This takes courage, as living this way will inevitably lead to accusations of being unkind or unloving.
So, what does it mean to shepherd the flock?
First and foremost, it means leading by example. Peter plainly states, “but being examples to the flock” (1 Pet. 5:3b). An elder’s most difficult and primary work is leading themselves—overcoming sin, cultivating joy, working hard, putting away bitterness, building others up, and being able to confidently say, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” This requires deep personal exposure and integrity, but this is what true shepherding looks like.
Beyond example, shepherding also involves exercising oversight—caring for the assembly with wisdom and discernment. And it means feeding the flock—not with entertainment, self-help messages, or mere emotional support, but with the bread of life. The people of God need Jesus and His Word.
Every now and then, I listen to Kanye West’s album Jesus Is King. There’s one song that stands out to me—where he repeats the name Jesus over and over again. That’s exactly what the flock needs. They need Jesus. They need His name, His presence, and His Word above all else.
Jesus, flow through us
Jesus, heal the bruises
Jesus, clean the music
Jesus, please use us
Jesus, please help
Jesus, please heal
Jesus, please forgive
Jesus, please reveal
Jesus, give us strength
Jesus, make us well
Jesus, help us live
Jesus, give us wealth
Jesus is our safe
Jesus is our rock
Jesus, give us grace
Jesus, keep us safe
I love the repeated emphasis on Jesus. At our elders' meeting this past Tuesday, we discussed this while reflecting on Colossians 3: “When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Col. 3:4). Christ is our life, and we need to be continually fed with Him. You want elders who follow Him and faithfully feed you with Him.
Members Humbly Submit
“5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
-1 Pet. 5:5
The word used here, translated as “younger,” can also carry the meaning of “born.” A recurring theme in Peter's writings is the “new birth,” and I believe that, in context, Peter is referring to those who have recently been born again. He encourages them to adopt a posture of humility and submission towards their elders—those who are older in the faith and those set apart as elders in the church. Peter reminds us of the blessings that come with sincere humility, quoting, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” He compares humility to clothing, suggesting that the proper attire for newborn Christians is the clothing of humility and submission.
Think of God’s grace as a faucet. Pride acts as a plug, blocking the flow of that grace. Humility, on the other hand, removes the plug, allowing God's grace to pour out abundantly. Therefore, Peter urges us to humble ourselves so that we may be exalted in due time.
I’ve observed that wherever grace exists in a relationship, humility is present. A person who is receiving God’s grace is more likely to extend that grace to others. Conversely, when there is disorder and confusion in a relationship, you can be certain that pride is at play. This is a common sin and temptation for God’s people. James offers a stern warning, emphasizing this truth:
“13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:13-18)
Conclusion
Let’s close by meditating on this verse: “And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory” (1 Pet. 5:4). As Matthew Henry beautifully stated:
"In opposition to that filthy lucre which many propose to themselves as their principal motive in undertaking and discharging the pastoral office, the apostle sets before them the crown of glory designed by the great shepherd, Jesus Christ, for all his faithful ministers. Learn, 1. Jesus Christ is the chief shepherd of the whole flock and heritage of God. He bought them, and rules them; he defends and saves them forever. He is also the chief shepherd over all inferior shepherds; they derive their authority from him, act in his name, and are accountable to him at last. 2. This chief shepherd will appear, to judge all ministers and under-shepherds, to call them to account, whether they have faithfully discharged their duty both publicly and privately according to the foregoing directions. 3. Those that are found to have done their duty shall have what is infinitely better than temporal gain; they shall receive from the grand shepherd a high degree of everlasting glory, a crown of glory that fadeth not away."
May our motivation in all things—not just for the elders—be that we will give an account to our Chief Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, and strive toward the reward of the unfading crown of glory!
Introduction
A few weeks ago, I was listening to a story Jordan Peterson shared about one of his patients. Dr. Peterson emphasizes individual responsibility and is well known for telling people that the first step to changing the world is to clean their own room.
One of his patients was a man in his 30s who was still living at home and struggling with depression. Dr. Peterson asked him if his room was clean, and he admitted it wasn’t. For several weeks, the only advice Dr. Peterson gave him was to clean his room. The man started by simply moving a vacuum cleaner in front of his door. But for weeks, he just walked around it instead of using it. Finally, after months of counseling, he succeeded in cleaning his room—a seemingly small step that symbolized a much greater shift in his life.
This story is a powerful application for us as exiles in this world. There is much that is wrong in the world, and many things need to change. But the first thing we must recognize is that there is still much that needs to change within us. Changing ourselves is a full-time occupation.
Our starting point must be to "clean our own room"—to take responsibility for what is within our control and to faithfully carry out our duties as unto the Lord. Today, we will focus on how we can live as faithful exiles in two key areas: the family and the church.
Wives Be Subject To Your Husbands
“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening”
-1 Pet. 3:1-6
There is a proper time and place to discuss how a wife should respond to abuse, desertion, and adultery. I do not believe a wife is called to subject herself to such things, and other Scriptures address those situations. However, that is not the focus here. This passage specifically provides an application for a believing wife with an unbelieving husband and her responsibilities toward him.
Submission, when lived out biblically, has the power to win an unbelieving husband and is a blessing to a believing one. A wife who submits is marked by respectful and pure conduct toward her husband. She does not nag or demean him. She does not publicly humiliate, criticize, condemn, or constantly complain. Instead, she honors her husband in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.
In fact, this kind of heart posture is described as precious in God’s sight. A wife who prioritizes adorning her heart with a gentle and quiet spirit rather than focusing solely on external beauty is beautiful in the eyes of God. The example given is Sarah, an Old Testament saint, who referred to her husband as “lord.” She respected and submitted to him, even when he made poor decisions, trusting that her ultimate submission was to the Lord.
I once witnessed a powerful example of this transformation. A woman with a domineering personality and a fiery temper came to faith. She sat in my office, confessing her past sins, and asked what her duty was to her unbelieving husband. She had spent years tearing him down, even to the point of once breaking a glass mug over his head. Their relationship was filled with conflict and hostility.
I took her to this passage and told her: Your calling now is to submit, honor, and respect your husband—not to try to change him, but because this is your duty before the Lord. She listened, and within a few months, not only was I regularly meeting with them together, but her husband also came to faith and was baptized. To this day, they are happily married and walking with the Lord. Her obedience to God became a means of sanctification in her husband’s life.
Husbands Live With Your Wives in an Understanding Way
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”
-1 Pet. 3:7
During this time, many new Christians were coming to faith, but the cultural norms surrounding marriage were deeply flawed. If we were to use modern terms, the prevailing system was one of toxic masculinity. Men were seen as having complete ownership over their wives, with the ability to abuse, sell, divorce, or even execute them at will. However, as these men came to know Jesus, they encountered a radically different model of manhood—one defined by sacrificial love and servant leadership.
Peter exhorts husbands to live with their wives in an understanding way. Recognizing the temptation for men to wield their authority in a harsh and demeaning manner, he calls them instead to honor their wives as the weaker vessel. This is not an insult but a recognition of the physical and societal vulnerabilities women faced in that culture. Rather than exploiting their strength, objectifying their wives, or leading with cruelty, husbands are called to treat their wives with respect, love, and consideration.
When a husband leads in this way, the couple's prayers are not hindered. A harsh and unloving heart creates spiritual barriers, but a marriage rooted in honor and understanding fosters unity before God.
Men, how do you use your strength? Do you wield it to intimidate and bully? Or do you use it to provide security, strength, and protection for your wife and family?
Elders Shepherd the Flock
“So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: 2 shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; 3 not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. 4 And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory”
-1 Pet. 5:1-4
Peter exhorts the elders to shepherd the flock that is among you. The healthiest church will have a plurality of elders who know the people they are called to shepherd—this is why church membership is so valuable. Elders are not responsible for shepherding all believers everywhere, but rather the specific people God has entrusted to their care.
Peter makes it clear how elders are to lead: not under compulsion, not for financial gain, and not in a domineering manner. Instead, they are to exercise oversight willingly and faithfully, with their primary focus being to lead by example.
Over the past few years, I have learned the value of asking clarifying questions. As someone who takes this duty seriously, I have found this to be essential in avoiding guilt manipulation from well-meaning but misinformed individuals. Many have their own ideas about what it means to shepherd the flock, and I often experienced a low-grade guilt after reading or hearing advice on the subject. Yes, elders are called to shepherd, but the important question is: What does that actually mean?
I have come to realize that, for many, shepherding has been redefined into a form of caretaking. In the counseling world, caretaking is often understood as being overly nice, striving to meet everyone’s needs, avoiding conflict, suppressing feelings, and acting out of guilt and fear. But this definition of shepherding does not align with the biblical metaphor or Peter’s exhortation. Elders are not called to be caretakers in this sense. Instead, they are to lead as God defines—not as every emotionally needy person demands. This takes courage, as living this way will inevitably lead to accusations of being unkind or unloving.
So, what does it mean to shepherd the flock?
First and foremost, it means leading by example. Peter plainly states, “but being examples to the flock” (1 Pet. 5:3b). An elder’s most difficult and primary work is leading themselves—overcoming sin, cultivating joy, working hard, putting away bitterness, building others up, and being able to confidently say, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” This requires deep personal exposure and integrity, but this is what true shepherding looks like.
Beyond example, shepherding also involves exercising oversight—caring for the assembly with wisdom and discernment. And it means feeding the flock—not with entertainment, self-help messages, or mere emotional support, but with the bread of life. The people of God need Jesus and His Word.
Every now and then, I listen to Kanye West’s album Jesus Is King. There’s one song that stands out to me—where he repeats the name Jesus over and over again. That’s exactly what the flock needs. They need Jesus. They need His name, His presence, and His Word above all else.
Jesus, flow through us
Jesus, heal the bruises
Jesus, clean the music
Jesus, please use us
Jesus, please help
Jesus, please heal
Jesus, please forgive
Jesus, please reveal
Jesus, give us strength
Jesus, make us well
Jesus, help us live
Jesus, give us wealth
Jesus is our safe
Jesus is our rock
Jesus, give us grace
Jesus, keep us safe
I love the repeated emphasis on Jesus. At our elders' meeting this past Tuesday, we discussed this while reflecting on Colossians 3: “When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory” (Col. 3:4). Christ is our life, and we need to be continually fed with Him. You want elders who follow Him and faithfully feed you with Him.
Members Humbly Submit
“5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”
-1 Pet. 5:5
The word used here, translated as “younger,” can also carry the meaning of “born.” A recurring theme in Peter's writings is the “new birth,” and I believe that, in context, Peter is referring to those who have recently been born again. He encourages them to adopt a posture of humility and submission towards their elders—those who are older in the faith and those set apart as elders in the church. Peter reminds us of the blessings that come with sincere humility, quoting, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” He compares humility to clothing, suggesting that the proper attire for newborn Christians is the clothing of humility and submission.
Think of God’s grace as a faucet. Pride acts as a plug, blocking the flow of that grace. Humility, on the other hand, removes the plug, allowing God's grace to pour out abundantly. Therefore, Peter urges us to humble ourselves so that we may be exalted in due time.
I’ve observed that wherever grace exists in a relationship, humility is present. A person who is receiving God’s grace is more likely to extend that grace to others. Conversely, when there is disorder and confusion in a relationship, you can be certain that pride is at play. This is a common sin and temptation for God’s people. James offers a stern warning, emphasizing this truth:
“13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace” (James 3:13-18)
Conclusion
Let’s close by meditating on this verse: “And when the chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory” (1 Pet. 5:4). As Matthew Henry beautifully stated:
"In opposition to that filthy lucre which many propose to themselves as their principal motive in undertaking and discharging the pastoral office, the apostle sets before them the crown of glory designed by the great shepherd, Jesus Christ, for all his faithful ministers. Learn, 1. Jesus Christ is the chief shepherd of the whole flock and heritage of God. He bought them, and rules them; he defends and saves them forever. He is also the chief shepherd over all inferior shepherds; they derive their authority from him, act in his name, and are accountable to him at last. 2. This chief shepherd will appear, to judge all ministers and under-shepherds, to call them to account, whether they have faithfully discharged their duty both publicly and privately according to the foregoing directions. 3. Those that are found to have done their duty shall have what is infinitely better than temporal gain; they shall receive from the grand shepherd a high degree of everlasting glory, a crown of glory that fadeth not away."
May our motivation in all things—not just for the elders—be that we will give an account to our Chief Shepherd, the Lord Jesus Christ, and strive toward the reward of the unfading crown of glory!
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